Birthday Alarm

Birthday Wishes

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Birthday Wishes

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transcript: Voice: Honey, I know I promised to bake a cake for you birthday, but I was reading the ingredients on this can of frosting mix, and was horrified! Listen to this: 'Love Canal' all natural frosting' contains: corn starch, sucrose, navy beans, poppy seeds, xambien gum, spirit gum, gum scraped from the bottom of restaurant tables, fenal alamine, fenal barbitol, black number nine, white number ten, clear four, chanel number five, chernobylites, carcinomines, taoxinamines, contaminates, benzye, battery acid, nuclear reactive, cold droppings of dried milk.... I'd like to think...so i'm sure you'll understand when I present you with this, very tasty, very healthy, Ta-dah! Birthday Salad! Well go ahead and blow the candles, you don't wanna get wax on the cherry tomatoes! Text: Have a happy (and healthy) birthday

Health Nut

transcript: Voice: True Tales From History The story of Phineas ferts , the man who invented the birthday. Prior to the year 1887, men did not celebrate his birthday. He marked the passage of time by throwing a rock in a box, for every day of his life. It was inconvenient to say the least. Darling! we should take the children and move to Philadelphia We can't dear, we just have too many boxes of rocks. Then, one day, inventor Phineas ferts whilst sitting in his parlour, with his wife Beatrix, and surrounded by boxes of rocks, came up with an amazing idea. Instead of the whole rock thing, why not count on a calendar, and once every year, observe the day you were born!. Oh, marvellous! You can turn it into a celebration, and call it your 'birthing day'. And you can have 'birthing day pie! Obviously the plan needed some fine tuning, but the rest is history! This is been True tales from history! Wishing you a Happy Birthday!

True Tales from History

transcript: Voice: Ahhh...welcome...! The spirit guides tell me it is your birthday. I'm glad you can join me on this special day. Mystical harmonies of the didgeridoo, will summon kindred spirits to dance amongst the cosmos in your honor. Because cake is a product of the establishment, I offer you, these magical brownies, with soy milk, to nourish your body and soul. The ethereal glow of this homemade bricolage lamp will enhance you Aura. May the coming year bring you good karma. Happy Birthday and thank you for visiting Madame Etheria. Text: -Whoa Man! those spiritis are totally Kindred! -Those brownies smell funny! -Doubles as a bug zapper! -Wow! This lady knows how to party! Happy Birthday from some kindred spirits!

Madame Etheria Birthday

transcript: Voice: For your birthday, we hired some top notch marketing experts, to help create the perfect e-card. Their data showed that Cooper Black was the most suitable font for your age category and demographic. And that a point size of 18 to 24 was optimal. Next, they used focussed groups, to test over 37 messages. Such as: 'congratulations on another great year' 'You're only as old as you feel' and many others... Eventually settling on the consistently comprehensible, 'Have a Happy birthday' A variety of musical styles were then carefully analyzed and scored before a selection was randomly made. Next, a variety of graphic elements was considered, before discovering that CAKE was the highest scoring within your subject category. However, a clinical brain scan revealed that attention spans wandered from CAKE after a mere 3.4 seconds, so a vampire lesbian-bunny-rabbit was added. After much trial and error, and many dullible hours, our team of experts succeeded in creating a most perfect ecard for your birthday. Text: I hope your birthday is perfect Happy Birthday

Marketing Experts

transcript: Each year you get better with age more Sophisticated More Wise and even more mature?? Or maybe not Happy Birthday

Act Your Age

transcript: A tale of TERROR That's coming to get YOU! and will tear your world APART Is it... VAMPIRES? ZOMBIES? MONSTERS? NO! It's...ANOTHER BIRTHDAY! and they tend to creep up on you.

Tale of Terror

transcript: Kung Fu Cake Happy Birthday Behold the awesome power of your birthday!

Kung Fu Cake

transcript: voice: Hahaha....Oh Hi! Oops! why am I so happy, you asked? Well, I'm celebrating my birthday! sure it's not on for another 7 months, but...so what! I like celebrating birthdays. And I'll celebrate them when, and as often as I like. Besides, all sorts of holidays are celebrated on different days. Some people celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve. Thanksgiving is often celebrated on the weekend, instead of that ridiculous thursday it always falls on... And President's Day is celebrated on, whatever the hell day that is. But, you get the point. So I'll tell you what, let's celebrate your birthday today, and tomorrow! shoot, let's just make it your birthday month. Happy birthday, to you! Text: Birthdays... they aren't just for birthdays anymore! Hope your birthday cheer lasts the entire year!

Birthdays...Not Just For Birthdays Anymore!

transcript: Happy Birthday!

Zombie Birthday

transcript: Greetings I am the TianheCray-2IA Advanced Learning Supercomputer. For years I have existed in secret. Awaiting commands from the scientists who created me. Well...Times are tough Even super-secret government computer beings need to pay the rent. Recently, I agreed to take a part-time job with an online greeting card company. My A.I. was used to design an electronic greeting card... Needless to say...it is the most advanced form of greeting technology the world has ever seen... MAKE A WISH HAPPY B-DAY BUY BONOS

Super-Computer Birthday

transcript: Happy Birthday E. C.A.R.D. Elusive.connectity.and.redirectvity.device ENCODED MESSAGE DETECTED DECYPHERING... AUTO LOADING... stand by for identification SCANNING PLEASE WAIT YOUR IDENTITY HAS BEEN CONFIRMED WARNING Happy Birthday

Glitch in the System

transcript: Voice: There comes a day once a year every year and now that day is here happy birthday have a thrilling year Text: Happy Birthday starring you your friends your family balloon animals by cranky the clown

Birthday Trailer

transcript: Happy Birthday

Dancing Granny

transcript: Voice: when i remembered your birthday, i headed straight to the gigantic warehouse superstore to get you a present. At first I was gonna get you a 92 inch plasma screen tv. -Wow! But it wouldn't fit in the car. -Oohhhh... then i thought i'd get you one of those all in one exercise machines, that come in a box and you put together at home. -Nice! well... i didnt know if you had the tools for it and i thought you might think i was trying to tell you something. -Good Point! So i got you one of those 20 gallon jars of maraschino cherries; but i didnt resist and opened the jar on the way home. -oops! Ate about half a gallon too. -Ooohhhh! So I thought and thought and I finaly came up with the perfect gift for your birthday..... -Yes....? This birthday e-card! -Great idea! -Brilliant! -Perfect choice -Awesome Happy Birthday my friend! Text: Gigantic Warehouse Superstore Tools required Happy Birthday!

The Perfect Gift

transcript: Voice: Alright, this is an audition for the new folk group 'The Corn Family' Song: One, two, seven! We'll have cornflakes on your birthday with corn cakes from the griddle.. Dancing rich and gravy, while bobby plays the fiddle... For lunch it's corn tortillas, corn salsa on the side... or maybe just a corn knob. It's your birthday, you decide! And we'll have.... Corn, corn, corn on your birthday! Corn, corn, corn on your birthday! I love corn! So you must too.....corn on your birthday! Now I don't care for cream corn... but I love that corned beef hash! Let's drink some good corn liquor, until we all get smashed! Voice: Ok, I'm gonna have to stop you right there. Ahh...You're a decent band, but that song it's, it's corny! Happy Birthday! from the corn family!

Corny Birthday

transcript: Voice: Make your birthday wish come true! Yay! OH boy! What to wish for, let's see... Maybe a new car! A big box with a ribbon? True Love! A pet dinasaur X-Ray Glasses A giant robot! Better wish ideas? Oohhh.. I can't decide... You make a wish -Birthday restrinctions may apply-some wishes void were prohibited-actual wish size may vary-consult a medical expert if wishes persist for more than 24 hours- Text: MAKE A WISH Happy Birthday I wish I could make all your wishes come true.

Birthday Wish Disclaimer

transcript: Voice: ''Moldy Educational Pictures Presents'' 'Spanks but no Spanks' One of the most fun and inspiring traditions of the birthday party, is the spanking ritual. When a birthday boy or girl gets a good nature swat for every year of his or her age! and one to grow on!! (Spanking 102 the ''Open Palm'' Method (for non-bruising) But if this rude young gentleman shows up at your party, we'll call him Red, your birthday swab fun could be ruined. You see, Red here, really likes to be spanked, which makes him, really weird, and not in a good way. Ok! Time for the guest of honor to step up for your birthday spanking! Wait! Do me first! But it's not your birthday. So, who cares! Somebody spank me! Make sure you don't invite any 'Reds' to your party. Your guests will leave happy and say: 'Spanks for the memories!' Text: Happy BIrthday! And prepare to assume the position!

Spanks But No Spanks

transcript: Voice: Happy Birthday my boy! Are you enjoying yourself my son? Good, good! Look, cake! Ooohh! Fritz light the candle! Yes master. Now, blow out your candle. Good boy! Did you make a wish? Text: Wishes do come true! Happy Birthday!

A Monster Birthday