Birthday Alarm

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OH, For Fox Sake... You're How Old?

OH, For Fox Sake... You're How Old?

transcript: Voice: True Tales From History The story of Phineas ferts , the man who invented the birthday. Prior to the year 1887, men did not celebrate his birthday. He marked the passage of time by throwing a rock in a box, for every day of his life. It was inconvenient to say the least. Darling! we should take the children and move to Philadelphia We can't dear, we just have too many boxes of rocks. Then, one day, inventor Phineas ferts whilst sitting in his parlour, with his wife Beatrix, and surrounded by boxes of rocks, came up with an amazing idea. Instead of the whole rock thing, why not count on a calendar, and once every year, observe the day you were born!. Oh, marvellous! You can turn it into a celebration, and call it your 'birthing day'. And you can have 'birthing day pie! Obviously the plan needed some fine tuning, but the rest is history! This is been True tales from history! Wishing you a Happy Birthday!

True Tales from History

transcript: Voice: Honey, I know I promised to bake a cake for you birthday, but I was reading the ingredients on this can of frosting mix, and was horrified! Listen to this: 'Love Canal' all natural frosting' contains: corn starch, sucrose, navy beans, poppy seeds, xambien gum, spirit gum, gum scraped from the bottom of restaurant tables, fenal alamine, fenal barbitol, black number nine, white number ten, clear four, chanel number five, chernobylites, carcinomines, taoxinamines, contaminates, benzye, battery acid, nuclear reactive, cold droppings of dried milk.... I'd like to think...so i'm sure you'll understand when I present you with this, very tasty, very healthy, Ta-dah! Birthday Salad! Well go ahead and blow the candles, you don't wanna get wax on the cherry tomatoes! Text: Have a happy (and healthy) birthday

Health Nut

transcript: May all your birthday dreams come true.

Golf Dreams

transcript: Each year you get better with age more Sophisticated More Wise and even more mature?? Or maybe not Happy Birthday

Act Your Age

transcript: Song: Hey! You're looking good! HUh! You know you really got a whole lotta soul! You're looking good! Oh! Because today you are another year old Well I hope you're having fun... Coz the drummer is gonna, give you some... You're looking good! Alright! Just like somebody on their birthday should! You're looking good! Woooww!!! Just like somebody on their birthday should! You're looking good! Woooww!!! Just like somebody on their birthday should! Woooww!!! Text: You're looking good! Happy Birthday!

Lookin' Good

transcript: Less than 1% of the world has a Birthday TODAY Voice: People Occupying Birthdays today have too much influence, and power, and free stuff. We're just here to say, what about the 99% of us who don't have a birthday today? Huh? What about us? I'm thinking about my future children, I don't want them to enter a world, where TODAY might not be their birthday. Less than 1% are having their cake and eating too. Like, why can't everybody have a slice? (We're talking about Jesus now!) Text: Share your birthday The other 99% need cake too Happy Birthday

Occupy Birthdays

transcript: Voice: Hello! And thank you for calling ''Birthday Gifts'' If you would like to send a gift, press 1. Otherwise, press 2. You pressed 1. Are you sure you want to send a gift? Press 2 if you are sure. Otherwise press 1. You pressed 2. Press 3 if you pressed 2 because you were sure you want to send a gift. Otherwise press 4, because if pressed 1 by mistake, and didn't want to send a gift. I pressed 1... I'm sorry? I didn't get that. Please say that again. But I didn't say anything. I'm sorry? I didn't get that. Press 6 if you pressed 3, because you pressed 2, because you pressed 1, and wanted to send a gift. Otherwise press 7 if you pressed 4 because you didn't want to send a gift. You pressed 'Pound' Please enter the first three letters of the department you wish to connect with. Text: Wishing you a Happy Birthday! And that's no joke! Happy Birthday!

Birthday Answering Service

transcript: Voice: Now back to: Mr Conspiracy... Well come back. I'm not insane. Now, friends, I thought about this long and hard. I looked at all the facts. And then I ignored all the facts. And then, I cried for half an hour. And then, I realized: If you take into account the birthday cake, with its candles stoking the flames of tyranny, and birthday presents, that are just given to you, you didn't earn them, they were just handed to you, a hand out! and pin the tale on the donkey... ...hello, donkey? and then you combine all together and make a lot of swirly lines with your chalk and you come to the inescapable conclusion that birthdays are nothing but a socialist plot, perpetrated by president Obama... Hey! that clock has a progressive agenda! Text: have a crazy good time on your birthday P.S. Buy gold

Mr. Conspiracy

transcript: Yo. Yo. Yo. we're the hip-hop hamsters I'm Harry. I'm Howey and I'm Happy, Yo! here is a special song just for you. yo, cut it out We were hanging in our cage being all carefree I was running in the wheel and I was watching TV Then Howey jumped up and he began to shout yo. it's your birthday without a doubt! so have a great day for goodness sake I want a slice of your birthday cake hey that's not in the song yeah. You got to stick to the words in the song I don't care I like cake wait wait wait, just a minute Happy Birthday, YO!

Hip Hop Hamsters

transcript: Stop slicing the ball & start slicing that cake Happy Birthday

Slice It!

transcript: Voice: Ahhh...welcome...! The spirit guides tell me it is your birthday. I'm glad you can join me on this special day. Mystical harmonies of the didgeridoo, will summon kindred spirits to dance amongst the cosmos in your honor. Because cake is a product of the establishment, I offer you, these magical brownies, with soy milk, to nourish your body and soul. The ethereal glow of this homemade bricolage lamp will enhance you Aura. May the coming year bring you good karma. Happy Birthday and thank you for visiting Madame Etheria. Text: -Whoa Man! those spiritis are totally Kindred! -Those brownies smell funny! -Doubles as a bug zapper! -Wow! This lady knows how to party! Happy Birthday from some kindred spirits!

Madame Etheria Birthday

transcript: Voice: Happy Birthday, Happy Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, I hope your day is great! Happy Birthday, Happy Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, I hope your day is great! You were born on this day, we love you hip hooray, hip hooray.... born this daaaaaaaay! Happy Birthday, Happy Happy Birthday Happy Birthday, I hope your day is great! Text: Happy Birthday

Born This Day

transcript: Voice: Happy birthday to you X 2 Happy birthday x 2 happy birthday to youuuuuuu I think you're possibly the worst singer in the world. Text: Happy birthday to you X 2 Happy birthday x 2 Happy birthday to youuuuuuuuu I think you're possibly the worst singer in the world. To my favorite idol

Simon 'COW'ell

transcript: Voice: when i remembered your birthday, i headed straight to the gigantic warehouse superstore to get you a present. At first I was gonna get you a 92 inch plasma screen tv. -Wow! But it wouldn't fit in the car. -Oohhhh... then i thought i'd get you one of those all in one exercise machines, that come in a box and you put together at home. -Nice! well... i didnt know if you had the tools for it and i thought you might think i was trying to tell you something. -Good Point! So i got you one of those 20 gallon jars of maraschino cherries; but i didnt resist and opened the jar on the way home. -oops! Ate about half a gallon too. -Ooohhhh! So I thought and thought and I finaly came up with the perfect gift for your birthday..... -Yes....? This birthday e-card! -Great idea! -Brilliant! -Perfect choice -Awesome Happy Birthday my friend! Text: Gigantic Warehouse Superstore Tools required Happy Birthday!

The Perfect Gift

transcript: Hey Buddy! I couldn't decide what to get you for your birthday... Then I thought the best gifts are the ones you make yourself... Happy Birthday!

Birthday Buddy

transcript: Voice: Nowhere is it written that birthdays have to be fun. There is no law that says you have to break out the party hats and we'll put up. For some people, like you, birthdays just plain suck. It doesn't make sense to celebrate the fact that you are one year closer to hanging out with the Grim Ripper. With that in mind, here's wishing you, the suckiest birthday ever. May it pass quickly, so you can get on with your life! Text: Don't really have a sucky birthday. Go out to dinner Have a few cocktails Chuckle as you realize you're so much wiser than all the young bozos around you. Now, where are those damn balloons? Have a very un-sucky birthday!

Birthdays Suck

transcript: Voice: You are travelling through another dimension, a dimension that your favorite music is considered, 'Retro'... A wondrous land were your pants require a larger waistband. and your body sprouts hair in places, you've never had hair before. You're moving into a world of both wrinkles and grey hairs, back aches, and sensible shoes.... You've just crossed over into... THe Twilight Years! Text: The Twilight Years! Happy Birthday

The Twilight Years